T. D. Jakes




God's Leading Lady Out of the Shadows and Into the Light Putnam Hardcover \| ISBN: 0399148833 \| $19.95 Read an excerpt "Make no mistake, becoming God's leading lady does not require play-acting or pretending to be something you're not. On the contrary, becoming a true leading lady requires stripping away all the other roles and bit parts you may have settled for and acted out before. It means discovering who you are and what you are truly about and exercising faith in your divine Director to guide you through the only authentic performance of which you are capable."—T.D. Jakes, God's Leading Lady Twenty-first century-women arguably have more opportunities for greatness than ever before. They can bring to life their girlhood dreams. They can overcome barriers of sexism, racism, and economic and social oppression. They can move past the demons of childhood abuse or family dysfunction. But while opportunities and inspirations have multiplied, so have the weights of responsibility, the pressures of others' expectations, and the temptations for mediocrity. Although society demands that women do it all, and give their all, the truth is many women feel that their souls are parched and they have nothing left to give. Why aren't more women fulfilling their dreams and soaring as their Creator intended? According to Bishop T.D. Jakes, too many women have lost sight of the fact that they are the leading ladies in the performance that is their own lives and not just supporting players in the lives of those around them. With God's Leading Lady: Out of the Shadows and Into the Light, Bishop Jakes, the "galvanizing" minister who appeared on the cover of Time magazine last fall and who the magazine named the best preacher in America, offers a resource for women moving toward leadership, ownership, and stewardship of their own lives. Drawing on the stories of the women of the Bible, as well as contemporary "leading ladies," Jakes motivates and encourages women to endure the obstacles that are often associated with the lives of responsibility they are now living, and to move beyond the imperfections, doubts, insecurities, and lack of self-esteem that prevent them from claiming the success the Lord has promised them. Highlights of God's Leading Lady include: A look at the various ways in which women battle within themselves. Jakes writes, "This may take the form of an inner critic whispering a scathing judgment in her ear that she's not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, or loving enough to be who she should be. It may drape her soul with the unending needs of others, suffocating any and all attempts for her to allow her soul to breathe. It may take the shape of career confusion and relational uncertainty paralyzing her in a state of indecision. Or it may be the weariness of the mundane rumbling through the darkness of her heart's depression." He shows women how they can harness the power from these battles as a source of energy to rise above the corporate, domestic, and personal storm clouds hovering overhead. How to move out from behind the masks of what families and pop culture dictate as successful or beautiful. Jakes writes, "We drop the mask by developing our own opinion, style, and personality. We drop the mask by developing the courage...to risk being different from those who have influenced us. Complementing-not duplicating-the women who influenced them catapults great women into leading ladies. For you see, leading ladies do not imitate, they create." Strategies for breaking away from the limitations women place on themselves including fears of changing the status quo, an unwillingness to act in faith, and the "sabotaging self-talk" that comes from painful baggage, lost opportunities, and past failures. An exploration of the limitations imposed on women by men, either out of fear or insecurity in their own manhood or their misguided aggression and desire for control. Jakes also looks at the ways in which cultural traditions, both within and beyond the Church, have bound women into socially accepted roles that suppress or ignore their multitude of talents, gifts, and offerings. A look at the ways in which the Church continues to sidestep and suppress half the members of its body. Jakes explores the controversies swirling around women's roles in the Church and the extent to which the limiting of those roles is a cultural defect and not a biblical effect. He also describes the ways in which the biblical passage that includes Paul's letter to his young protŽgŽe Timothy has been appropriated to silence women and deflect their contributions to the Church. A look at the cost of leadership for women in the twenty-first century as they try to maintain their feminine grace and beauty while climbing the ladders of success, and balance the priorities of husband and family while establishing themselves as conscientious entrepreneurs. As Jakes makes clear, attaining a place on stage never comes cheap. It requires an honest assessment of the barriers you may face, a willingness to set a budget so you may have a blueprint to your goals, and an ability to exercise courage and a sense of timing finely attuned to God and his directives in your life. The importance of committing your loyalty to the right people in your life. Jakes writes, "As a leading lady learns and grows into her role, it's vital that she have an older, more mature role model from which she can learn and who she can emulate." How to prevent critics from robbing you of your destiny and keeping you from stepping out on stage. "Criticism is a natural part of achieving greatness," says Jakes. "It is often laced with jealousy and misjudgments. Any who criticize you have never been where you are and are never going where you will go." The reasons why women must extricate themselves from the trappings of success heaped upon them in our culture today-the right house in the right neighborhood, the charming husband, and the well-behaved kids, the successful career, and the right image. Jakes writes, "Quit comparing yourself to everyone around you and forcing yourself to do what they're doing, wear what they're wearing, be who they're being. You must be a success in your own eyes-regardless of where you are in life right now-rather than compare yourself to those women with more clothes, more men, or more ministry success." How to become an Academy Award-winning leading lady by performing life's many roles from the inside out, not the outside in. "If you do not know who you are with a vision for who you're becoming as you answer His call," writes Jakes, "then you will work too hard and hurt too much, only to discover that no single role can define you, no single achievement fulfill you enough to feed your soul for a lifetime." A look at the unique capacity of women as life-givers. Jakes explores the ways in which this common characteristic can unite all women in a sisterhood of success. He also looks at the different cycles of giving in a woman's life and how giving remains the ultimate hallmark of a true leading lady. The lessons to be learned from women of the Bible including Rebekah and Sarah, Rahab and Mary Magdalene, Delilah and Bathsheba, Ruth and Joanna, Deborah and Jael. Jakes examines each woman's dreams and failures and each one's contribution to the Holy Ladies' Hall of Fame. He explores the ways in which their legacies have inspired women throughout history, and how their faith fueled their performances. He also explores the lessons to be learned from contemporary leading ladies including Oprah Winfrey, Rosa Parks, Cathy Hughes, Aretha Franklin, and many others. Managing life's outtakes, mistakes, and devastating losses. "Don't stop and try to fix and analyze every glitch as it occurs," writes Jakes. "Such self-consciousness tends to lead to self-absorption, and when you're only absorbing yourself and your mistakes, you lose sight of God's larger stager for your life, your audience, and your other players under the lights." Jakes shows leading ladies how they can use the moments of crisis in their lives to set the stage for their next scene. Recognizing and handling what Jakes calls "Fatal Attractions": unhealthy relationships with men-and sometimes other women-who are unavailable or inaccessible but in whom we invest our power and our self-worth. "When you succumb to a fatal attraction," says Jakes, "you are searching for an external source of your personal power." A look at how women identify and label past sins and allow them to influence the way they form their own self-identities. He shows how women often get trapped in the confining envelope of victimhood. And he reflects on what women need to do to overcome the mistakes that others have perpetrated against them in the past. A thoughtful exploration of the primary relationship in a leading lady's life-her leading man. Jakes writes, "Your performance in your marriage has an effect on your pursuit of excellence in every other sector of your life. Conversely, whatever roles you fulfill outside of your matrimonial union will ultimately impact the bond you and your husband share." Jakes shows leading ladies how to achieve Oscar-winning performances in their marriages. Strategies for successful women. Jakes explores the problems that often arise within marriages as leading ladies reach new heights in their careers-particularly when they achieve higher levels of success than their husbands. "It is important that a man and woman complement each other and not compete with each other," writes Jakes. "If one or both partners in a marriage use career advancement and level of income as a measuring stick of contribution and importance in the relationship, then sadly that marriage is bound to be troubled." He offers strategies for helping women balance their personal and career lives. How to create a meaningful legacy of your life's performance. Jakes writes, "Many women spend their entire lives searching for the purpose and the cause that will give their lives meaning. What they often don't realize is that God has already provided them with the resources and raw materials for establishing a significant legacy in the lives of those around them." God's Leading Lady empowers women in the pursuit of their place on the world's stage by challenging them to true excellence, by fanning the dying embers of their desire for more out of life, by helping them to discover what the Creator had in mind when he formed them as female, and enables them to recognize the incredible impact they can have on the world around them. By guiding them to look inside themselves and toward the Lord, Jakes helps women find the power they need to unlock their destiny and excel. Further, the highly anticipated album titled T.D. Jakes Presents Leading Ladies...Out of the Shadows and Into the Light is scheduled for in-store release on October 8. The album thematically holds to the concept of the book and will feature a diverse roster of musical talent. A list of recording artists involved with the project will be announced in the near future. A conversation with T.D. Jakes, author of God's Leading Lady Why did you choose God's Leading Lady as the title of this book? A: The "leading lady" concept is a metaphor to express the significance of the contemporary woman. It is meant to help her understand that she is the leading player in her own life rather than someone merely playing a supporting role in the lives of others. Many women in contemporary society have a tendency to support everyone else without recognizing the important role that they play. The title of the book is meant to affirm and suggest that every woman is significant in her world; every woman is a leading lady to the cast with whom she is associated, whether that cast is her children, her work colleagues, or her community. Many of the themes central to God's Leading Lady have already been written about in some of your other works including The Lady, Her Lover and Her Lord, Lose That Man and Let Him Go!, His Lady, and, most particularly, Woman, Thou Art Loosed! What's different about this book? What's new here? A: None of my previous works have carefully choreographed the connection that exists between biblical and contemporary women like this book does. God's Leading Lady takes readers backwards and forwards in time as it seamlessly knits together the everlasting principles that have worked for women past and present. It was my intent, as a writer, for women to walk away from this book with timeless principles that can help them understand how they can more fully maximize their potential. As you point out, twenty-first-century women arguably have more opportunities for greatness than ever before. So why aren't more women fulfilling their dreams and soaring? What barriers do they face? A: It's no secret that a "glass ceiling" has long existed for women in the corporate world as well as in the Church, and that women from all walks of life continue to struggle against preconceived ideas, prejudices, and limitations placed upon them because of stereotypical ideologies about their gender. I challenge women to overcome the barriers of what other people think about them and not to allow those external opinions to become attached to their own self-perception. It is very important for each woman to remove the limitations she might have placed upon herself and be all that she can be. And then there are struggles that relate to balancing career with children, marriage, or other demands associated with the roles women play in their private lives. These are all unique challenges, particularly for single mothers who face responsibilities that don't always mesh well with job demands. Many women from the past-including women from biblical times-have faced these limitations and overcome them. They can serve as examples for women today. Proverbs 31, for example, tells the story of the virtuous woman who is also a businesswoman and a successful mother, a wife, and a property owner. The challenges she faced, and the ways in which she dealt with those challenges, can serve as a template for women to pattern their own lives so they can better handle things like time-management and multitasking. This will allow them to enjoy a broader perspective of life and to massage all their creative abilities without the liability of being limited by preconceived ideas. Women are called on to play so many roles in their lives: wives, lovers, daughters, sisters, friends, caretakers, hostesses, and much more. What problems do women run into when they try to be all things to all people? And how can women break from that trap? A: One of the things I stress in this book is that if you don't take care of yourself, you won't be available to take care of other people. When you're faced with a long list of responsibilities, prioritizing becomes critical. It's very important that each woman understand that as a leading lady she cannot become so supportive of the other members of her cast that she forgets her own lines, her own well-being, her own preparation for the play. In this book we're calling on women to recognize the importance of preparing themselves so that the people around them can benefit from their creativity, rather than allowing themselves to become drained by the roles they play. Everything stops on stage if the leading lady is not there, so it's very important she understand her significance as it relates to the other people with whom she associates. You have been praised for your ability to cut through commonplace generalities and focus directly on the specific pains individual women feel from the marriages they try to hold together, the physical abuse they might have suffered, the loneliness of single motherhood, or the mistreatment they've perhaps received in their jobs and careers. Where does that ability come from? A: The secret to being able to help people is to be a good listener. Many women in relationships often say to their husbands or partners, "We need to talk." The problem with the pursuit of communication is we're sometimes so busy preparing what we're going to say when the other person finishes talking that we're not listening while they're talking. As a counselor to women for more than twenty-five years I've been a good listener. And there are certain conclusions I've formed, while listening that seem to help women better understand who and what they can be. What do you think will most surprise readers of this book? A: When women read this book I think they'll be surprised to feel an intense sense of sisterhood and fraternity deriving from the collaborative wisdom extrapolated from contemporary and biblical women. I think they'll also be surprised to experience a feeling that they know these Bible characters personally; and that it's almost as if they're just sitting back and having tea with these wise women of the ages. The book is very conversational in tone and, at the same time, very exciting. What surprised you most as you were writing it? A: What surprised me most was the way in which similarities between women from different cultures, different periods of history, and different socioeconomic backgrounds became apparent as we gathered them together on the page. There was a great deal of similarity, for example, between abolitionist Mary McCloud Bethune and Cathy Hughes, the billionaire owner of Radio One, or Jacob's wife, Leah, and Coretta Scott King. It is clear that these women, and indeed all women, have innate strengths that have nothing to do with the culture or age in which they live. In God's Leading Lady you refer to something called "ex-cues." What are they? A: Ex-cues point to the ghosts of past opportunities and failures that blindside us in our present lives and have an effect on our behavior if left unchecked. In thinking about the challenges we face, the trick is not to allow the ex-cues to become excuses for limiting ourselves from future achievement. What does it take for a woman to become a "leading lady"? A: A leading lady needs to be strong and resilient. She has to be prepared to face many obstacles and to endure great criticism-there's no way you can be a leading lady and not face the critics. And she has to be self-supporting and self-enabling in order to overcome hurdles and understand how her destiny, her story line, fits with the story lines of those around her. Of all the strategies, suggestions, hints, tips, and advice you offer women in this book, which do you consider the most important? A: One of the most important things women can do is identity their own significance. There are times when we all find ourselves looking to others to applaud us, define us, or create a sense of appreciation that can make us feel good. God's Leading Lady encourages women to recognize their own significance and to look to God for the accolades and the encouragement they need, because the people around them may not be as supportive as they would like. In the face of that lack of support they should not allow their apprehensions to deter them from reaching their goals. What role does your gender play in your ability to reach women? A: The advantage of being a man writing to women is that many women have not had an opportunity to have an open discussion with a male figure about the issues facing them. In the book I serve as a counselor, as a male best friend, as a big brother, and even sometimes as a father. And I'm shocked to find there are many women, both aspiring to success and already successful, who have never had those roles fulfilled in their lives-perhaps because they grew up with absentee or distracted fathers, or because the men in their lives are focused more on amorous intentions than on building a wholesome friendship. God's Leading Lady gives each of these women an opportunity to sit down with a male best friend and discuss the things they always wanted to hear men talk about but were afraid to ask. But isn't there an incongruity in the fact that you-as a man-are telling women what they need to in order to excel and to live lives of fulfillment? A: I don't tell women what they need in order to feel fulfilled. I encourage them to look within and to ask the right questions, so that they can determine the direction in which they want to go and so that they can lay out a blueprint for how they can best get there. What advice do you offer for women as they reach new heights in their business careers? A: I tell women it's important for them to begin thinking in terms of financial portfolios, investments for the future, and the decisions they need to make now so they can have the lives they want in their later years. As women achieve new levels of wealth, notoriety, and responsibility, they need to talk openly and candidly about their plans for the future: where they would like to live, when they'd like to retire, and the kinds of activities they'd enjoy at each stage of their lives. These are issues that were traditionally left to men. That can't be the case if you want to be a leading lady. What are "fatal attractions" and what sort of problems do they bring? A: What I'm talking about here are women who define success in terms of bagging a successful man. We've all seen references in the media to women who seek advancement through sexual liaisons and entanglements with prominent men. One of the great tragedies resulting from this sort of behavior is that it suggests advancement can be found through ungodly entanglements. It makes us lose touch with the fact that success is not predicated on who you marry or who you sleep with but rather on your ability to unlock your own intrinsic value and worth. What do you want readers to get out of this book? A: When the final page of this book is turned, I would be happy if each woman sat back with a smile on her face, and a sigh on her lips, and recognized that she is the most significant thing in her world. I also want women to understand how important it is to enhance that significance with a deeper appreciation for their faith in God, a deeper understanding of their responsibilities to make a contribution to those they love, and a firm commitment to enjoy every ticking second of the lives they lead. Seven Tips For Balance As You Succeed, as detailed in God's Leading Lady by T.D. Jakes "With more and more opportunities opening up for women, and with the need for dual incomes to sustain a household, it is not uncommon now for women to be in the workforce. However a new scenario that is emerging is one in which women achieve a higher level of success than their husbands. They may be in a field where they advance rapidly, they may have a higher level of education, they may make more money, and receive more acclaim. I congratulate and commend all women who have broken through the glass ceilings in corporate America or who have built their own businesses. Their hard work and talent should be rightfully rewarded, and it is about time women have received their due. "But I am aware that this increased success comes with an increased potential for marital discord. It is important that a man and a woman complement each other and not compete with each other." Here a few simple tips that will help you gain and maintain a sense of balance, balance that is essential as you become more successful. Keep your work at work and your heart at home. "No matter how passionate you are about your career priorities, work on strong boundaries that protect your true priorities. Give 110 percent when you are at work, but don't compromise relationships for promotions and don't confuse your leadership style in the office with who you are as a leading lady inside. The paperwork, emails, phone calls, and meetings will always be there, with or without you. Your children, your husband, your sense of a larger purpose require your complete attention when you are home." Acknowledge your husband verbally and frequently for his contributions and strengths rather than providing him with an encyclopedia of his weaknesses. "This doesn't mean you need to ignore his mistakes or live in denial concerning his flaws. No, I'm simply saying that you need to avoid taking him and his many contributions for granted before it's too late. No matter how many times you may have told him how much you appreciate the meal he cooked or the repair he made on your car, he still likes to hear it. When you get caught up in the business and hectic pace of corporate life, it's easy to overlook his contributions and take them for granted. Gratitude and appreciation foster mutual respect and create a lasting style of positive communication between valued partners." Reprimand those in your life who feel obligated to make derogatory statements that would demean or degrade your husband. "It's not easy to confront the gossips and the rumormongers, the critics and the petty socialites who thrive by picking apart others. And you may not need to confront them every time-sometimes it takes away their power when they are ignored. But sometimes you must stomp out the sparks of cruelty and ignorance before they firebomb the foundation of your most important relationship. Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life. Put away from you a deceitful mouth, and put perverse lips far from you." (Proverbs 4:23-24, NKJV). Share equal interest in his occupation and interests, even if they do not yield the same economic benefit as yours. "If you've been married or in a relationship for a while, then you know that sometimes you must choose to love and respect your husband by sharing in his interests just as he should share in yours. He may not like to go shopping, but he's willing to go with you because he likes to see you happy and he enjoys spending time together. Similarly, you might not enjoy the same sports he follows, but you're wiling to root for his team because it's important to him. For some reason, this mutual sharing of individual interests seems to become harder if there's inequity in each other's paychecks. But the need is even greater then, I believe, because this economic wedge can become a social wedge as well. Now that you're making six figures, he may fear that you're too elite to attend his favorite hockey game or too busy to hear about his volunteer tutoring for at-risk kids in the inner city. Don't let the money separate you from investing in each other's lives, a far greater investment than any stock dividend or 401K plan can ever yield." Make sure that you have an agreement on financial philosophies-who handles what monies, etc. "Both partners must clearly communicate their expectations and function as a team if you are going to keep money from coming between you. You must develop a shared mission statement regarding your finances and how you will each contribute to your goals." Honor him as your covering. "So much has been misunderstood regarding the way men and women are to relate to one another's roles in their marriage. While it's clear that culture and society affect how we view gender roles, some things remain inherent in the essence of masculinity and femininity as God created us. While you may not need your husband to hunt for food or protect you from marauding tribes, you still need his covering, the protection that comes from your affiliation with who he is as your husband." Avoid allowing your professional life to cannibalize your personal time together. "It seems so simple to list your marriage as a priority over your job. But when it comes down to those heat-of-the-moment choices, it becomes difficult to recognize what's at stake. Your boss wants you to work late to finish an important report on the night your husband has secured a baby-sitter and planned a romantic dinner at your favorite restaurant. I'm not saying there aren't times when you reschedule your date night and finish the report. But for too many successful ladies, it's a notorious habit, one that will eventually cost them greatly when they discover that while they've achieved a record sales award, there is no one at home waiting to toast their accomplishment. The cannibal of career will always eat as much as you feed it. Promise your husband that you won't feed it the sweet food from the wedding banquet of your marriage relationship. Even if you must schedule couple times in advance to protect it from the encroachment of your career, then sit down with him and nail down dates and plans. Then stick to your calendar and don't allow the intrusion of the urgent at work to eclipse the investment in the vital at home."

About the Author \| His Lady Maximize the Moment \| The Lady, Her Lover, and Her Lord \| God's Leading Lady