Writing, by Caille Millner

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In my experience, when an average citizen finds out I'm a "writer," his first question is, "How do you do it?" The process of printing one word after another doesn't seem that mysterious to me, but I suppose what people are really asking is, "How do you find the stamina to keep writing one word after another when so many of them are going to be so bad?" That question I understand.

For me, it's all about beating myself up enough every morning until I'm able to sit down and spit it out. Usually my "process," so to speak, goes something like this:

1) 6:45 am Wake up. Spend the next 15-20 minutes in bed, frozen with dread.
2) 7:05 am Forced to get out of bed in order to stumble to the bathroom.
3) 7:12 am Kitchen. Discover pots that need scrubbing, a dishwasher that needs unloading, and tea that needs making.
4) 7:34 am Walk into office. Look at pages from yesterday. Rub face and walk back out.
5) 7:46 am Gulp tea. Pace kitchen floor.
6) 7:52 am Pick up iPod. Listen to songs (yes, in headphones, even though I'm indoors) that are loud and raucous, to give myself a little courage.
7) 8:04 am Walk back into office. Sit in chair. Pick up notebook, pages, and pen. (I still write in longhand.)
8) 8:06 am Look out the window.
9) 8:10 am Start writing.
10) 9:00 am Realize that it's time to start getting ready for work. Flee the chair with a feeling of relief.

At some point in this process I will write for longer stretches of time, which means that I'll have to get up earlier. But for now, since I'm working on a novel in the very delicate early stages -- while everything I write is awful, while I have no idea where I'm going, while I'm wondering every second if I have any talent at all -- I don't torture myself for more than 50 minutes a day. Whew.

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Caille Millner

The Golden Road

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