Slouching Towards Hyperfitness, One Squat At A Time

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So the verdict is in: I am not Hyperfit. I would say, judging from my performance in the gym yesterday, that I am not Decentlyfit, or even Slightlyfit. By the end of my forty minute workout, I was a sweating, gasping mess, bewildered and stunned by how Sean Burch’s seemingly innocuous exercises had so quickly demolished me. This was playground stuff, I had thought, the sort of things that six year olds did for fun; things like jumping around, crouching and clapping your hands. Easy.

I should have known better. Sean Burch, the author of Hyperfitness, is a fitness guru who quit his job in finance to pursue his dream of scaling Mount Everest. He did so in 2003, reaching the peak with barely any use of bottled oxygen, and then proceeded to jump rope for a minute—at an altitude of 26, 181 feet. But that’s not all—to warm up for that incredible feat, he scaled mountains in Greenland, Alaska and Tibet, being the first to ever scale a large number of those peaks. Not content to rest on his laurels, he then set Guinness World Records for the fastest Arctic Marathon and the fastest ascent of Mt. Kilimanjaro. Why on earth had I thought that his workout would be easy?

What convinced me to follow his regime was not merely his staggering credibility, but also his novel approach to the mental preparation involved behind getting fit. It’s not about short term goals, he explains—losing 10lbs, running a half marathon, etc.—it’s about mentally preparing yourself for a new life. Sound a little grandiose? The man jumped rope on Mt. Everest! If anybody can get away with talking like this, it’s Sean Burch. You have to connect your short term goals to a grander goal, he explains, or you will most likely fail. You have to link it to a desire to climb Mount Everest, or start your own business, or publish a book. You have to root your resolve in something that will motivate you not for just three months, or six, or the attainment of a short term goal, but for your life. Climbing Mount Everest required as much mental fortitude as it did physical, and his book reflects that on every page.

So there I was, at the gym, ready to begin. About me were athletic people doing traditional gym-related things; bench pressing, running on the tread mill, doing bicep curls with free weights. They looked great, and even the people who didn’t look great looked like they were on track to looking greater. I set down Sean’s book, prepared myself for the first exercise, and looked at the wall clock. One minute, I thought. No problem.

The first exercise was deceptively simple. Assume a push up position. Kick your legs out wide, forming a triangle, then bounce them back in and hike them under your chest so that you’re crouching. From there, you explode into a jumping jack, and clap your hands once behind your back as you descend for added flair and style points. Simple.

My first leap must have cleared 6 inches. After twenty five seconds, I was barely clearing two. It was awful. Clearly, working at Penguin has not prepared me for this level of activity. Push up position, kick your legs out, then back, crouch, and then a jumping jack. Forty five seconds in and I was about ready to die.

Somehow I struggled through the next forty minutes. People kept giving me worried glances, and it looked like a group of them by the water fountain were debating whether they should mount an intervention. When I finally staggered away towards the locker room, my legs rubbery, my thighs on fire, my triceps annihilated, my face a most becoming beetroot red, I was astounded; these simple exercises had gutted me more than any gym routine, running practice or soccer game ever had.

I’m going to keep going though. It’s not going to be pretty. But I’m feeling determined, resolute, and while I may never scale the real Mount Everest, who knows if I might not eventually conquer my own inner peak?

-- Philip Tucker, Online Producer

Sean Burch

Hyperfitness

metabolism

diet

exercise

health

Penguin Books

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