How to Spot a Cheater Within 15 Minutes of Meeting by Paul Dobransky

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Here is a quick and handy guide for you, whether you are a man or a woman who wants to be more savvy about people when you first start to date.

Many men and women come to my Chicago seminars with one question on their minds. They have been through a rough relationship. It made them wary of starting over. And by and large the reason for that is that infidelity happened. They were cheated on.

If you read my book, The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love, then you know the exact causes of cheating, how to screen for it, and how to stop it. I also give you nine free lessons on the steps of courtship that make it all but impossible to be with someone who cheats some day, delivered to you over nine days (when you sign up at www.drpauldobransky.com).

The live seminars in Chicago for women are announced in the newsletter at www.womenshappiness.com and for men at www.doctorpaul.net for men.

Ultimately, those men and women who definitely will cheat on you have poor personal boundaries. The ones who stay loyal, have great boundaries. Commitment is IMPOSSIBLE - no matter what is said, promised, insisted, signed, contracted, or pleaded over in heart-felt emotion - when you discover that their boundary skill is poor.

Here's the quick guide to find out that very thing:

HOW TO SPOT A CHEATER WITHIN FIFTEEN MINUTES OF MEETING THEM:

I've worked over a decade on fine-tuning rapid methods for men and women in their dating lives that cut off literally months and years of hardship just by looking at a few things in the first minutes of meeting.

When you have an actual diagram in your head that shows you how psychology works, you can literally SEE psychology going on in other people. I call this, The Seventh Sense, and I mean it scientifically, not as some esoteric, woo-woo mystical term. It's covered in my mindOS system of psychology that I have applied in mainstream book form to romance, in The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love.

TO Spot a CHEATER, all you need to know is the maturity of their personal boundary. A person with poor boundaries is scientifically incapable of commitment and loyalty in mature relationships. Here's what to look for in dating boundaries, a quick checklist:

• They are VERY controlling, or VERY easily "controllable" (overagreeable) Look for people who give you an intuition of feeling bossed or pushed around, even if there is no outward comment to this end. And look for people who just wait to be told to do everything.
  
  
• They use the word "SHOULD" a great deal, as in "You should sit down over here," "You should get a different haircut," or "You should treat me like a king/queen." This person is likely to CHEAT.
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• They are "oversensitive." Try a little sarcasm and see what they do. Make an ambiguous comment like "Wow. Your hair!" said with a flirtatious smile, and see what they do. If they laugh along with you, and "get it" that you are only flirting, then good. If they get all upset, think you're "mean" or just don't "get it" as far as how the unspoken language of flirting works, they may be likely to cheat on you in the future. This person is likely to CHEAT.
  
  
• Neediness. (Whether an attention hound, or a passive, shy type) Alongside "oversensitive" is any other similar word: "high maintenance," "prima donna,""entitled," or otherwise one with low self esteem, they are more likely to cheat. You will have an intuition about this, a feeling like they are pulling on you too much, leaning in on you. Scan your emotions for this, and also notice whether their body language actually physically is too close to you, leaning toward you all the time, or too much attention placed on you. This person is likely to CHEAT.
  
  
• Trouble with the word NO. They either can't say NO to you or others, or can't HEAR NO gracefully from you and still be interested in continuing conversation. Test this by observing whether they have PREFERENCES with you, or for example, the waitstaff (they send their food back is a good thing, if done with courtesy, versus having an attitude of "anything will do.") Such people will agree to go to any movie you want, eat any food put before them, take any opinion of yours like it is gospel. Conversely the person who has trouble hearing NO will kick up a fuss when you disagree with their opinion, don't follow their commands. This person is likely to CHEAT. Test the "trouble hearing NO" person by purposely disagreeing with them early in the conversation, and see if they take that in a lighthearted way.
  
  
• Outright abuse or lying. These may seem obvious, and yet we can overlook these easily when we confuse sexual attraction with commitment and loyalty ability. See the recent MTV hit, Exposed, for an example. Nearly every woman chooses the man she has caught in a lie for further dating, rather than the "nice," honest, but less masculine contestant. I explain this in detail at my seminars.

If I had a single bit of advice to cover everything above, it would be to take a moment off from your eyes on their physical attractiveness, your ears off their smooth conversation or compliments, and turn off your logical mind, to instead listen closely to your INTUITION. If you feel pushed, put-upon, leaned into, or passively "guilted", "sold to," or other feeling that seems to eat away at your free will to choose what you want in your life, the person has hints at being a cheater.

Feel free to write me at drpaul@womenshappiness.com if you are a woman, or www.doctorpaul.net if you are a man. Or comment below.

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Paul Dobransky

Dr. Paul Dobransky

The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love

Penguin Books

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