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Hello again!
Earlier in the week I told you a little about my book, I Don't Care About Your Band, which comes out this month, just in time for that dreaded holiday, Groundhog Day. I'm of course kidding! Nobody dreads Groundhog Day, except Andie MacDowell, who sometimes accidentally flips past the movie on cable and she's like, "Oh My God, I let them put me in that khaki Eddie Bauer jacket? I look awful." Well, calm down, Andie MacDowell! You did look stupid, but nobody was looking at you. They were looking at America's Valentine, Bill Murray, who remains a delight after fifty years in show business. Hey, speaking of Valentines!
Seamless.
So, yes. February brings with it bad tidings of all things St. Valentine, and Scott Valentine, who played Mallory's boyfriend Nick on Family Ties, and obviously the dreaded day itself, February 14th, ye of prix fixe dinners for two and cheap chocolate overflowing the seasonal aisle of your local pharmacy, and that distinct sensation of loneliness that only the cold, dead darkness of late winter can bring along with it. Well, ladiez: pop a squat near my soapbox, because I've got somethin' to say, Jerri Blank style.
You don't have to wait for Valentine's Day to feel bad about not having a boyfriend. You can be lonely all year round! So forget what women's magazines say about this time of year, and how it should hurt more than usual to walk past single red roses.
The people who need the external cues of V-Day and all its trimmings in order to feel bad are the same people who take Halloween as a cue to dress slutty, or St. Patty's Day as an excuse to get drunk. We are adults: we can puke gin and wear hooker clothes all year round if we choose to!
Likewise, don't let some gayballs Hallmark holiday make you feel any worse than usual if you're not dating somebody and would like to be. Just remember that you have the God-given right to feel bad when you choose to. And if that includes feeling awful on Valentine's Day, well then, consider renting a Bill Murray movie that isn't Lost in Translation, because that movie will DESTROY you when you're feeling lonely. And it will definitely make you hungry for sushi. But frankly, Caddyshack makes me hungry for sushi, because it's delicious.
Happy Valentines Day, everybody. And please consider buying my book, which is bleeding from its seams with funny stories about horrible dating experiences I've endured, and also references the important television show, Night Court.
x,
Julie
I Don't Care About Your Band Julie Klausner Hipsters Indie Rockers Pornographers
