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In the early stages of a relationship, intimacy is fueled by infatuation and the chemistry of attraction has your desire to touch and kiss hardwired to an effortless autopilot. But as most relationships go, the natural desire to spend as much time as possible making out with each other begins to run on par with the desire to catch a nap after work. A few years and perhaps a few children later, the nap begins to have even more appeal than a snog. Even though it may feel like you'll never return to the days when the snog outweighs the importance of the nap, the choice is yours, believe it or not. 

In long-term relationships, intimacy doesn't just happen, you have to make it happen. Kissing, touching and even just extended conversation can actually bring back some of those neurotransmitters that made you want to be intimate when you were first checking out each other's bums so many years ago. Even if your totally not in the mood, sometimes you have to force yourself to go through the motions before you begin to notice the benefits. Like exercise, so many of us don't want to do it, but almost nobody ever regrets doing it after a good hard workout. Sexual intimacy is kinda that same way. 

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There are lots of fun and interesting looking sex toys available in adult shops and Internet stores, and they can, when properly used, bring a lot of fun into the bedroom. But if you've never owned a toy and want to give one a go, I highly suggest that your first purchase not be a sex toy at all. Forgo the animal shaped dildos made famous by Sex in the City, and instead just get yourself a simple vibrating back massager available at nearly any drug or health store for between $19-$40. Since they "are just back massagers" they may be purchased and owned without embarrassment. While they do a fine job of soothing tense neck muscles, you will probably find that they do a much better job of massaging other parts of your body. 

Many women find that vibrating massagers, when held near or on their clitoris, experience orgasms quickly and easily, even if they often have difficulty achieving them by other means. This makes them excellent for self-pleasuring, exploring with a partner, or to be used during intercourse. If your partner is a bit bashful about using a sex toy during lovemaking, then don't use a sex toy. Use a back massager and give your partner a massage with it and see how close they'll let you get to their naughty bits. Then ask them to do the same to you. If you find your "back massager" a little too intense on your "affected area," just place a washcloth between you and your massager to dampen the sensations. 

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Kidder Kaper is one of our guest bloggers during the week of June 7th. If you have any questions for Kidder Kaper, add a comment to any of his posts.

Here is more information on Sex is Fun!:

A fully illustrated, interactive, and completely original sex manual, combining the innovative look of a graphic novel with nonfiction advice and activities for fearless fun in bed

Host of the wildly popular "Sex Is Fun" podcast, Kidder Kapers brings unique approaches to the topic of lovemaking. In his first book, Kaper reinvents the sex manual, using whimsical cartoon characters and stylishly illustrated pages to deliver his singular sexpertise.

Sex Is Fun! is for anyone looking for creative ways to spice up their sex lives and for couples seeking long-term solutions for keeping their relationship exciting. Both entertaining and informative, it offers a fresh take on sex toys, talking dirty, sizzling foreplay, erotic massage, inventive positions, role-playing, and other tips for a mind-blowing experience.

With clever illustrations and humorous dialogue, Kaper's titillating tour surpasses other books in the category, taking the intimidation out of sex play and offering workbook-style activities and games, such as the candid Sexual Interest Inventory and the What Scares You? questionnaire. Read solo or with a partner, these thirty-six chapters will help couples enhance communication, explore new territory, and reach higher levels of pleasure and fulfillment.