Marriage by Kimberlee Auerbach:

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I want to get married. I want a family. I want to create a home with someone. A shared answering machine message. Holidays together. A witness for life.

Some women are embarrassed to admit this out loud, as if wanting to these things were bad or wrong or weak. I'm not ashamed. In fact, when asked, “Are you married?” on the publicity Q&A for Dutton, I wrote, "No, but I want to be," followed by a smiley face.

My boyfriend and I broke up two months ago. We had been together for almost five years. I still love him and always will, but we couldn’t negotiate a life together.

Don’t worry, this isn’t like Harry Potter, I’m not spoiling anything. If you read my book, which I hope you do, you might wonder if I end up with the guy in the end, but the book isn’t about ending up with the guy in the end. It’s about letting go of past hurt and guilt, letting go of your anxiety about the future, and learning to be more present. It’s about recognizing that all of your life experiences matter. There is no wasted time.

In light of what I wrote and what I believe to be true, I am trying to be present this week. I am trying to breathe. I am trying not to focus on what was lost.

This Wednesday would have been our five-year anniversary. This Thursday, I am reading at Borders at Columbus Circle. The following Thursday, I turn 35. It’s a big time in my life.

On one hand, I feel empowered that I honored myself and my needs and that I opened myself up for amazing possibilities. On the other hand, I feel alone and miss him and wish he were around to experience all of this with me.

But then I tell myself I am not alone. I have a wonderful community of people who love and see me and can’t wait to celebrate with me. My friend Susan Shapiro is throwing me a book party on Wednesday. Everyone I know practically is coming out on Thursday. I will be with friends on my birthday. I am not doing any of this alone, which got me thinking.

Why do we put so much emphasis on one person’s love?

I went to a wedding yesterday out on Long Island where there were well over 200 people. During the ceremony, the rabbi kept talking about how their love was perfect, how standing under the chuppah was hope for a more perfect world. I looked around at the people in the pews, beaming with love and support, and I thought to myself, this is the true hope for a more perfect world. All these people coming together to celebrate love. How beautiful? In the end, it’s about community. It’s about all the people in your life. And in that case, I’m well on my way to getting what I want. I don’t just have one life witness, I have many.

When I meet my husband, he will be part of my world, not my whole world. I still want a shared answering machine message though.

View more information about The Devil, the Lovers, and Me

Kimberlee Auerbach

The Devil, the Lovers and Me

Penguin Books

marriage

books