Why You Should Wait, by Andrew Trees:

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I'm embarrassed to say how many dating books I've read during my lifetime. But it's not entirely my fault. In the first place, I had many of them foisted on me by my sisters and my female friends. I also had to read a whole slew of them when I was researching my book, Decoding Love. What have I discovered after all this reading? In the words of Georgia O'Keefe, there's no there there. The vast majority of books are little more than a series of random anecdotes strung together.

For the best example of this, let's take a huge hit from a few years ago, He's Just Not That Into You. As Sex and the City fans know, this book emerged from Miranda's sudden epiphany that all of male relationship misbehavior can be explained with one simple statement: He's just not that into you. And the book goes on to illustrate this point in endless ways. It's the first book I have ever read which you could judge not just by its cover but by its title alone. I can see the appeal of the book. It's funny and entertaining. As relationship advice, though, it is, to say the least, a little thin. If I could pose one simple question, why is he just not that into you? I don't think that is too much to ask. I'm not looking for heavy number crunching or statistical modeling. But I think it's not unreasonable to offer something to readers beyond a one-sentence thesis.

And there is a fairly straightforward explanation for the reason he is not into you: Men make sperm, and women make eggs. From this one difference, a vast array of different behaviors emerge (and not just in humans-you find the same distinction at work throughout the animal kingdom).

You see, sperm are cheap (sorry, guys, it's really not a precious gift). Not just cheap to make but cheap over time because a man doesn't have to worry about all those pesky details like carrying around an unborn baby inside of him for nine months, let alone breast feeding it once it has been born.

But eggs are precious. A woman produces only one a month. If she gets pregnant, she is on the hook for another nine months and really another couple of decades. On top of all of that, there is a sharp limit to the number of children she can have during her lifetime (the recent octuplets notwithstanding).

So what sort of behaviors should this lead to? First, women should be a lot pickier than men are about their sexual partners. And studies show that they are. Second, women should be much more interested in commitment, and studies show that is true is well. In fact, there are a host of behaviors that stem from this distinction. But all of them add up to one conclusion: women are in the driver's seat when it comes to dating.

Or at least they should be. There is a crucial wrinkle that changes this dynamic somewhat-monogamy. Under those conditions, men start to become fairly choosy as well because a relationship becomes a life-time partnership, not a one-night stand. But that doesn't mean that women are left in a passive position. Far from it. The question is, what should they do?

Let me offer a simple rallying cry: Single women of the world, unite in chastity! You have nothing to lose but a dating system rigged against you! As Tammy Wynette told us long ago, it's hard to be a woman, and that has never been more true than today, particularly if you are a successful, well-educated woman who has put off marriage to pursue your career. Call it the plight of the professional woman.

Before you start looking at the men around you and getting angry at them for the proverbial screw job, I should mention that this is not their fault. The real culprit is monogamy (which tends to create shortages of marriageable men just as polygamy tends to create shortages of marriageable women). But since few women are likely to be interested in embarking on their own search for "Big Love," what should you do if you don't want to give up the very real gains of feminism? There are many things you can do to improve your chances, but let me suggest one big change: extend the period of courtship. What do I mean by this? Wait longer before you have sex with a man.

I know this probably sounds a lot like the advice you got from your mother when you were a young woman, but it turns out that there is a surprising amount of scientific research to back it up. In this first place, waiting longer will, all by itself, eliminate a lot of bad prospects. A recent English study found that, by waiting longer, women could weed out the bad boyfriends because those men were unwilling to wait around for consummation. And there's another study that has discovered evidence for what researchers have taken to calling an "affective shift." According to the results, men and women react very differently after having sex for the first time. For women, feeling of attachment grow. For men, though, sleeping with a woman decreases how attractive he finds the woman and how attached he is to her. This means that using sex as a way to ensnare a man is a disastrously bad idea.

Waiting longer also sends a clear signal that is recognizable throughout the animal kingdom: you are a precious commodity. You are telling a man that you are confident and capable of securing a long-term mate. If you have sex too quickly, you are sending the opposite signal: you cannot attract a long-term mate and must settle for whatever short-term partners you can get. That doesn't sound very appealing on the page, and it's even less appealing in reality.

When you do start having sex, make sure that it remains something to be earned, rather than a foregone conclusion. According to research, dopamine levels fall off when there is no challenge involved, and dopamine is a crucial component of desire. I realize that this will mean some sacrifice of sexual pleasure on a woman's part, but tough times demand tough measures.

Of course, if you are outraged at such an unjust system and decide that you would much rather pursue a career than a man, that is also a rational response. Studies have found that men enjoy the benefits of marriage to a greater extent than women, and surveys suggest that single women are actually happier with their lives than their married counterparts. Our culture emphasizes the opposite message that single women need love much more desperately than men do. Consider that just one more example of how the dating world is rigged against women.

But if a lifetime of being single holds no appeal, I encourage you to strap on your chastity belts and say goodbye to promiscuity. Single women may not have as much short-term fun, but they are much more likely to find long-term happiness.

Andrew Trees, Decoding Love, Avery, Penguin Books