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Let's talk about something that virtually every dating website totally forgets when we are talking about what gets men and women together for the duration:

I call it, RIGHT PERSON, RIGHT TIME.

I am borrowing from a woman friend who gave me advice from about ten years ago. I had a friend named Joanne, and we had been on the Semester-At-Sea program together in college.

This was an around the world voyage where students learned all about world cultures for college credit, they went out into the countries of call, and had adventures, and bonded like friends that many go a lifetime without finding.

One particularly nasty occasion I had a terrible breakup with a woman I found "perfect" for me at the time. It is laughable now how WRONG for me she was, but as time goes on, we get perspective don't we?

Joanne's advice to me was this: "My mom always told me that yes, there is such a thing as the right PERSON for us, but there also has to be the RIGHT TIME, too."

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Anybody and everybody has heard of the equation, E = mc2. Generally we all know that it is Einstein's discovery, and some of us might even know that it is a core revolutionary equation from physics. A handful may even know that it was the key to the ability to harness nuclear power. Whatever our level of sophistication, we know that it is a simple equation for something very profound about the physical world.

The basic truth about E = mc2 is that it was the first time that scientists were able to literally show that matter (the stuff we can hold in our hands) contains and is made of ENERGY (the invisible stuff that runs everything in the world.)

Isn't it incredible that all the conveniences and even life-saving tools in our lives run on energy: electric power, light, heat, and even the nuclear power that can both defend us in our armaments, or heat our homes by being transformed into other "kinds" of energy, like electricity?

E = mc2 is about the invisible energy of the physical world.

The mindOS system of psychology (www.doctorpaul.net for MEN and www.womenshappiness.com for WOMEN) I developed over ten years ago makes the invisible world of psychology, literally visible through hundreds of DIAGRAMS.

Have you ever stopped to think about HUMAN ENERGY, though? When we are stressed, we often feel "drained," and when we are depressed or even a little "down," we sense that there is less energy in us to get the things of life done.

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I want to mention to you that there are two crucial things we need to learn about in order to be on the way to finding the RIGHT man.

One is "How to not be controlling and manipulative" by developing a strong personal boundary and the identity, honesty, and self-sufficient security that comes out of that.

The second thing is the ability to quickly screen a man for personality style in the first place, to find the greatest fit to your own.

One of the terrible things about being a psychiatrist is that you often see people who are in the thick of a failing relationship, and find that the relationship had a great deal of features that were pretty much doomed to make it fail from the get go.

Yet these people have FORCED themselves to be together and "make it work" for twenty years. If only they had done some up front homework, and taken the dating SLOWLY at the very beginning, they might have saved themselves decades of pain.

In short, a lot of relationship pain is caused by there being no more formal COURTSHIP process in the western world. My material is designed to replace that lack and point out what the deep psychological steps have always been for that process, since the beginning of time, and regardless of what race, creed, or religious preference you come from.

Instead of "rushing in where angels fear to tread," women would be well-advised to read a man rapidly for harmonious fit to her own personality. Guess what? In personality, there are only FOUR TYPES of men. So that's all you need to learn.

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I recently got a set of very compelling questions to answer about the secret psychology behind what drives competition among women:

1. What are the benefits of adult female friends being competitive with each other?

2. Why are some women competitive with each other?

3. What type of things are women competitive about?

Men and women are EQUAL in intellect and the emotional capacity to love, but DIFFERENT in the Gender Instincts.

If our brain were like a computer, then our "minds" are like "software."The "software" of the mind is divided up into three general functions, what Evolutionary Psychologists call:

* the Higher Brain (where our intellect and reason are)

* the Mammalian Brain (where our emotions are, and things like love and friendship)

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The man goes along with dating and even enters the beginnings of a committed relationship, but then suddenly, without warning, he admits he was never that into you.

Bye bye.

It turns out that in the mating dance, there are steps that a man would NEVER admit to you, even if they would completely FIX the relationship!

The reason is that if he has to tell you, the magic is gone. It is as if your spell is broken by saying them to you.

1. MEN NEED WOMEN TO GIVE THEM A CHALLENGE TO WIN. To "play hard to get."

2. MEN ALSO NEED WOMEN TO HAVE SOLID BOUNDARIES ENOUGH THAT THEY FEEL THAT THEIR "MALE TERRITORY," THEIR SENSE OF PSYCHOLOGICAL FREEDOM, WILL NOT BE PUT IN JEOPARDY IF THEY DO IN FACT COMMIT.

Let's see the letter from a reader:

QUESTION:

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Something a little different. A peek into the male mind when it comes to the spokesperson for all women: none other than Oprah.

I have a gruff, blunt, journalist friend who claims he doesn't like Oprah much (even though he had never seen the show.) I never gave it much mind until recently, when I had a little more free time on my hands, and actually started using my Tivo for the first time. So, always being up for something different from the usual "Guys' Night Out" of burgers and beer, I got my DVR together, carted it over, and announced that the evening's festivities would be pizza and Oprah shows.

As you may guess, I was greeted with a grimace, a roll of the eyes, and something muttered like, "Crazy shrink stuff again..."

"What?" I said.

"Nothin. Maybe we'll learn something. I went out too late last night anyway," he retorted.

This dude is a man's man, is in a public service, and not much for highbrow social activities. He likes and respects women, is the kind to rescue kittens from trees and save a stranger from a speeding car, but at the same time he has a raunchy sense of humor that you don't want going off around your mom or your boss. While many men secretly harbor his locker-room worldview, this guy is open and in everyone's face about what he thinks of politics, religion, love, and all things to be avoided in diplomatically touchy social venues. Why would he hold back on his opinion of Oprah?

I couldn't resist seeing what he would do if he actually SAW the show.