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One of the most profound things I have the honor of seeing is the transformation of troubles into strength in the lives of real women and men. Psychology doesn't have to be as confusing as it seems if we organize everything into little boxes, label them, and even draw diagrams of them. That's what mindOS does as a system.

Now I have seen many women forgive a guy who is jealous, a trait that is persistent and pervasive. She will stay with him only to see him hurt her feelings again and again, misconstruing her intentions and heartfelt honest nature.

I have also seen many women accuse a guy of jealousy outright, and drive away or even break up with a man who would have made a wonderful partner for life.

There is a very subtle distinction about jealousy that will help you keep a relationship that's healthy and leave one that's not:

-There is a jealousy in men that is very flawed, and indicative of flawed character. In my theoretical models, this is located in the "Higher Brain," the Cerebral Cortex so to speak.

-There is also a kind of "jealousy," at least as it appears on the surface, that actually indicates a man is masculine, attracted to you and cares about you. This is very different, and even HEALTHY jealosy, because it is located in the "Reptilian Brain" of my model, where MASCULINITY resides. (Men want to be masculine, and WOMEN want them to be masculine, I hope!)

Let's look to some questions that relate.

QUESTION FROM A JOURNALIST:

"Dr Paul,

Need some help.

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Hey Everyone,

I want to talk a little about gender and the stereotypes that sometimes are at the heart of books about relationships between men and women.

I believe men need women and women need men and that we are equal, but quite different. My book is my attempt to:

* Teach you everything I can about how men think

* Help you get what you need in love

* How to make it to happen exactly as you dream

* Some science-based secrets of how to make a relationship work There is a great lack of how-to-knowledge in our society when it comes to love, romance, boundaries and lasting relationships.

Here's a typical question from one of my women readers:

"Dear Dr. Paul, I'm confused. I've been dating a man that lives in Kansas and I live in Dallas. It's been a year. We see each other once a month or so when I get there on business.

Between visits there isn't a lot of communication. In October I let him know that my needs were not being met and that I needed him to consider visiting Dallas. I also asked if he was comfortable with more communication in-between visits.

He said he heard me and was interested in doing both. A week later I got flowers for my birthday and a month later he asked me to come to his house and have dinner with him and his daughter. He has sole custody.

But since then nothing has changed. It's been 6 weeks since I have seen him and only one communication exchange and that was on his birthday last week. We are planning to see each other next week for the first time this year.

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For many of us, the concept of a "soulmate" has been a dearly-held notion all our lives. However, over the past three decades or so, it has become a sort of worn-out "brand." For awhile there it seemed that every other self-help/psychology title had the word in it. Well, I for one, know they exist, and you may be surprised to hear that I know so not out of some magical, mystical, woo-woo sense of the term.

There are many potential "soulmates" for each one of us, but only insofar as their personal life's STORY matches our own - like two characters in a great romance novel are "destined" to mean great things to the plot, and to each other.

Others of us may even roll our eyes at the idea of a soulmate, all the pop literature on the subject notwithstanding. These folks think "Relationships are just plain hard work. Get over it!" And while I agree that there is just too much marketing out there trying to sell anything to anyone with the promise of magical thinking - "It will change your life without you even having to lift a finger!" - I'm sure you've heard of a recent blockbuster book or two that does so - I also know that with a little up-front work and wisdom, we really can sort through potential relationships that are way way way too much work, and always will be, versus the type that was as easy to be in as being ourselves from the start. That's the soulmate I'm talking about.

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I normally get hundreds of letter per week from both men and women. I make this promise to answer every one, at least briefly.

Alas, I usually get so interested I want to fully explain how to solve these problems. The science is just so exciting because it makes things so clear for us. I'll stop and go to sleep soon, but first, I just got one of those letters from you that really illustrates an amazing point about codependence.

Codependence is something very often written about over the past few decades, and even identified by some authors as being directly related to having poor boundaries. Yet one of the fascinating things I hope you discover in The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love, (and the free starter lessons that will be sent to you automatically by visiting www.drpauldobransky.com) is that you can literally learn to "see" the personal boundaries of other people.