1 What’s Inside

FITTING IN ANYWHERE

Knowing all the rules of etiquette that exist will not guarantee that you will be a gracious and memorable person. Th at’s why we will begin by considering the art of being yourself, which, in the end, is what “class” is all about. You don’t have to be rich, famous, or noble to have an unforgettable presence. Money can’t buy it, but you can certainly learn to be gracious and relaxed wherever you find yourself.

My father, Roland Nadeau, and my husband, Alexandre Count de Lesseps, have more elegance and charisma than anyone I have ever met. Their lives and backgrounds could not have been more different, yet they both have that remarkable quality known as class.

You don’t have to be rich, famous, or noble to have an unforgettable presence.

My father’s mother was a full-blooded Native American of the Micmac tribe of the Algonquin Indians. He grew up poor in Canada, one of twelve children. My husband, Alex, is descended from an illustrious French family that traces its roots back to the fourteenth century. From the middle of the eighteenth century, the de Lesseps followed diplomatic careers. Napoleon I ennobled my husband’s great-great-great-grandfather, Mathieu de Lesseps, giving him the title of count. His son, Ferdinand de Lesseps, also a diplomat, was awarded the commission to achieve his lifelong dream of building the Suez Canal. Napoleon III wanted to give him the title of Duke of Suez, but he declined because he wanted to keep his family title. In 1886, Ferdinand de Lesseps formally presented the Statue of Liberty to the United States for France.

Since his family served France as diplomats, Alex lived all over the world as he was growing up. He became adept at adjusting to new situations early on. Alex, a philanthropist, supports charities in every corner of the planet. My dashing husband was skiing on the slopes of Gstaad, where we happened to meet at a swanky dinner party (a story for later).

Alex has real savoir faire. He always knows the right thing to do, but he is the sort of man who rises above convention, who has the confidence and style to make his own rules. After all, he broke with tradition to marry me, an American girl from Connecticut who had become a television star in Italy.

Even though my father was not “to the manor born,” he had great presence and awareness. He had a natural dignity and curiosity that allowed him to fi t in anywhere. My father inspired me to be the person I am. He gave me the confidence to take chances and to be open to possibilities that presented themselves to me. And that willingness to try new things led me on an unexpected path to the love of my life.

CONFIDENCE IS THE KEY

As far as I’m concerned, “class” is an attitude. It’s all about confidence. It’s evident in the way you treat other people. If you are self-assured, comfortable with who you are, and respectful of other people, you can stop thinking about yourself and respond openly to others. I have to confess: I was born confident. Being a shrinking violet was never my style. But don’t worry: If you don’t possess a natural confidence, there are ways to gain confidence— or to fake it until you make it. Just being familiar with the etiquette guidelines I cover in Part Two will give you a boost.

QUICK CONFIDENCE BOOSTERS

• Remember: No one is perfect.
• Be thankful for what you have.
• Don’t take yourself too seriously.
• Remind yourself that people are too concerned with their own shortcomings to notice yours.
• Set achievable goals.
• Be prepared—the Boy Scouts are right.
• Learn to silence your negative self-talk—pump yourself up with positive thinking.
• Rely on the advice of a mentor. If you don’t have one, find one.
• Help others.
• Get active—the more you move, the more you get done.
• Smile—it really does affect how you feel.

I grew up with four older brothers and two sisters, one younger and the other older. I realize that growing up in such a large family taught me how to be considerate of others’ needs by necessity, and how to stroke my siblings and my parents to get what I wanted. Having a big, genial family proved to be great experience for later in life. Since I had so many terrific brothers who were much older than I, I became accustomed to spending time with older kids, which boosted my self-confidence and helped me later when I encountered people who were more worldly than I was at the time. I also developed a healthy appreciation of men that has never left me. I am definitely a woman who loves men and appreciates the value of women.

To be a gracious and charming person, you have to be able get outside yourself, to overcome your own self-consciousness. Being comfortable in your own skin is a prerequisite for moving through life with ease. Being open to anything or anyone that comes your way is an attitude that will help you expand your horizons. My curiosity and risk-taking certainly made my life what it is today.

Being comfortable in your own skin is a prerequisite for moving through life with ease.

BE CURIOUS AND LEARN FROM EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE

Early in my teens, I worked in a rest home owned by a family for whom I babysat. There I would be, talking with Mary, Dick, and Rose in their wheelchairs. Though my first job was to wash dishes, I loved spending time with them and hearing their stories, probably because I never knew my own grandparents. I have always suspected that my profound respect for older people derives from my Native American roots. Elders are so important in Native American culture. My experience of caring for the elderly as a teenager was what eventually led me to become a nurse.

I was curious and soaked up all I could from what the old folks said, and listened to their stories eagerly. And they appreciated my attention in return. I was particularly fond of one woman called Beatrice, who loved to talk about girl stuff —dating and boys. She lived vicariously through me and had the curiosity of a teenager at the age of eighty-six. I spent hours with her as I would a girlfriend of my own age. And she shared with me her wisdom and insight.

Being interested is what makes you interesting. The best defense against a lack of confidence is curiosity. Look outside yourself and everyday concerns to elevate your sensibilities, increase your sense of wonder, and intensify the pleasure you find in both familiar and uncommon events. Appreciate the best that life has to offer through work and travel. Take a cooking class or play golf, chess, or bridge. Learn to sail or ski. Join a gym. Take ballroom dancing or singing lessons. See all the independent movies, design and care for gorgeous gardens, collect classic jazz or learn a language.

Being interested is what makes you interesting.

BE DARING AND READY FOR ANYTHING

A stint working as the secretary to a bank president convinced me that office work was not for me. I went back to working in the rest home, became a practical nurse, and worked in Connecticut for three years. The work was much more rewarding to me.

One fateful day, a nurse’s aide told me she wanted to be in the Miss Connecticut pageant. She encouraged me to do it with her. She even threatened that she wouldn’t do it without me. I liked my job, but I was curious. I wasn’t exactly beauty queen material. I was chubby, and my hair was big. And I had never been exposed to the insider tricks that gave the contestants a competitive edge. But that didn’t stop me.

The decision to take a chance and to risk humiliating myself ended up changing my life.

No, I didn’t win the pageant, but an official took a liking to me. “What do you do?” he asked me. “You should be modeling. You could make a lot of money.”

And that’s how life happens—being at the right place at the right time. The generous stranger told me about a modeling beauty competition in Hartford. He was sure I would win. Once again, I said, “Why not?” Each new experience is a step on the staircase of life.

Much to my surprise, I won. The first prize was a $500 photo shoot in New York City and representation by Mystique Model Management with offices in Hartford and New York. I took the bus to New York and had my picture taken. I resembled Jaclyn Smith in one shot. It worked! I started getting bookings from my card, and my life took an exciting turn to New York.

The motivating principle in my life is to take chances without fear or hesitation. Jump on the train or you’ll miss it. I live that way. I’ve taken chances and followed my instincts. Nothing exciting would have happened to me if I had been timid and afraid. I’d probably still be living in Connecticut. And you know what? I’d still be happy, because I choose to be. You never miss what you never had.

A WORD ON PLEASURABLE PASTIMES

Who is more attractive than a person with interests and enthusiasms? Tennis is one of my favorites, because I love the social aspect of the sport. I play with my girlfriends, my husband, and sometimes even compete in tournaments. It’s a great way to get exercise. I also love to sing—Bette Midler comes to mind—all kinds of music from cabaret to country rock.

Hobbies not only add passion to our lives, but they also add depth to our character.

Find something that interests you and go for it. It will give you energy and purpose. And don’t be afraid to change it up now and then.