Whether you're dealing with an underperforming employee, disagreeing with your spouse about money or child-rearing, negotiating with a difficult client, or simply saying "no," or "I'm sorry," or "I love you," we attempt or avoid difficult conversations every day. Based on fifteen years of research at the Harvard Negotiation Project, Difficult Conversations walks you through a step-by-step proven approach to having your toughest conversations with less stress and more success. You will learn:
- how to start the conversation without defensiveness
- why what is not said is as important as what is
- ways of keeping and regaining your balance in the face of attacks and accusations
- how to decipher the underlying structure of every difficult conversation
Filled with examples from everyday life, Difficult Conversations will help you on the job, at home, or out in the world. It is a book you will turn to again and again for advice, practical skills, and reassurance.
Difficult Conversations
Foreword by Roger Fisher
Acknowledgments
Introduction
THE PROBLEM
1. Sort Out the Three Conversations
SHIFT TO A LEARNING STANCE
The "What Happened?" Conversation
2. Stop Arguing About Who's Right: Explore Each Other's Stories
3. Don't Assume They Meant It: Disentangle Intent from Impact
4. Abandon Blame: Map the Contribution System
The Feelings Conversation
5. Have Your Feelings (Or They Will Have You)
The Identity Conversation
6. Ground Your Identity: Ask Yourself What's at Stake
CREATE A LEARNING CONVERSATION
7. What's Your Purpose? When to Raise It and When to Let Go
8. Getting Started: Begin from the Third Story
9. Learning: Listen from the Inside Out
10. Expression: Speak for Yourself with Clarity and Power
11. Problem-Solving: Take the Lead
12. Putting It All Together
A Road Map to Difficult Conversations
A Note on Some Relevant Organizations
