After her divorce from music superstar Marc Anthony, Dayanara Torres had to learn firsthand how to handle the challenges of starting over and creating the healthiest environment possible for her two sons and herself. The most important lesson she learned is that the commitment a woman makes to herself is just as important as the commitment she made to her spouse on their wedding day. Dayanara resiliently vowed to honor and respect herself, and in Married to Me she helps other women do the same.

As a single mom, Dayanara could not find a handbook that said: “This happened to me. Now, let’s move forward.” So, in Married to Me, she walks women through the critical stages of redefining their life after a divorce: accepting and preparing, rebuilding, and rediscovering happiness and self. Dayanara offers honest advice, personal mantras, and effective tips on family, lifestyle, beauty, and health, so that women can learn to move beyond the pain and tears, establish a new family dynamic, discover new passions, and build new relationships. Like Dayanara, readers will discover a life within themselves that is beyond their wildest dreams.

Check out Alex Woodard’s video for "Beautiful Now", featuring Dayanara Torres here. (Windows Media Video)

From Part Three: Rediscovery

“The best thing to hold on to in life is each other.”—Audrey Hepburn

When I was ready for a serious relationship I was really ready. I knew that it would not be fair to myself or anyone else if I rushed into a relationship right after my marriage; I just was not ready. I waited until I was in a happy, healthy place and I had unloaded the baggage from my past relationship. When I finally began to go out on dates, I almost felt bad for the guys. I had my guard up because I did not want to make the same mistakes that I had in my marriage. But also, I had my children to think about, and I did not want to let anyone into their lives, or into my house for that matter, until I was sure that the relationship was solid and stable. For the first few years, when the doorbell would ring for a date, I would sprint down the stairs from my bedroom, kiss the boys goodbye, and then slip out the door without letting my date set foot in the house. I remember one guy asking me after the fourth or fifth time I slipped through the front door, “Do you think I can go inside the house one day?” Poor guy. But he never did make it in—he didn’t meet the rigorous screening system I had set in place, which was pretty simple: If he was not good enough for my boys, he was not good enough for me. The screening system helped me to weed out the not-so-good dates much more easily, and it took me (or us) four years until I (or we) found a man who passed the test. Still, my boyfriend was introduced to Cristian and Ryan as my friend, and for the first five or six months, my boys regarded him as my friend. It was actually my sons who wanted him to be my boyfriend. Their father had remarried, and in their minds, it was only natural for me to have someone too. They kept saying, “He should be your boyfriend.” And it was only then, after my boys had given their outright approval and my boyfriend and I were secure in our relationship, that I told Cristian and Ryan that he was more than a friend.

Just like LA came full circle, love did too. I do not know what the future holds for me, but I have to say that today I’m living an incredible chapter in my life. I am letting myself be loved for once; I have allowed myself to let go of so many fears and just fall in love. This incredible man loves me completely and, what’s more, he adores my boys. Every plan is made with my boys in mind. He gets home and they run, screaming his name and jumping all over him. He brings them so much joy and he has his own place in our hearts. They admire him, respect him and in their own little way thank him for the happiness he brings. He supports me in every way and is proud of every milestone I achieve. In so many ways, he forces me to be better. But most of all his greatest gift has been to let me know that it is possible to find someone to love me, and that it makes no difference to him that I have kids and that they are before him. My biggest fear was that I would never find a man like this. I feared that nobody would be able to love me so completely. I feared that it was not possible to find someone who accepted every aspect of who I was, where I had been, and where I was going. And then I met this incredible man who taught me to let go of all the fear, hold on to my dreams and just love and be loved purely, simply and completely.

I believe Audrey Hepburn said it best (didn’t she always?), when she said, “Your heart just breaks, that’s all. But you can’t judge, or point fingers. You just have to be lucky enough to find someone who appreciates you.” Yes, the heart “just breaks,” and it may break again, but you will be okay. No matter what may happen, there will always be someone out there who will love and appreciate you for who you are. To settle for anything less is to cheat yourself of the kind of relationship you deserve. Looking back, I can say that the greatest gift was the time I spent learning to love and appreciate myself first. Once you can learn to do this, you will be capable of letting someone love and appreciate the strong, stable woman you have become.

Note from Jinny: ON FINDING HEALTHY NEW RELATIONSHIPS

In order for you to find healthy new relationships, it is crucial for you to take as long as you need to compose yourself and to put all the pieces of the puzzle together. Take into consideration that this might take some time. Rushing into a relationship before you are ready is not fair to anyone, least of all you. You have to comprehend and fully digest what went wrong in your marriage, in order to “empty your bag.” Make a fresh new start and take the past as a learning experience.