When preschool teacher Leslie McCollom created the Preschool Gems Twitter feed, it was because precious jewels were slipping through her fingers every day. Jewels like, "My mom lived in the 90's," “I'm feeling poisonous, baby kitty,” and “OK, but I'm still a dragon.”

Although she swore she’d remember these gems forever, in five minutes they would vanish, never to be heard by human ears again. So she became a covert anthropologist in the underground world of children, and started carefully cataloging them, and has been gracing the Twitterverse with her findings ever since—such as:

“When I went to the chainsaw store I saw someone with REAL bubble gum.”

“There's a wolf in my tummy and a porcupine in my bum.”

"I don't care about time outs. I only care about my life."

"Who are me?”

“I love David Bowie. I’m going to marry David Bowie.”

Preschool Gems is a collection of the most bizarre, hilarious, jaw-dropping things overheard at Leslie’s school. By turns sweet, sinister, and naively sincere, these treasures prove that kids are really just miniature people who are weirder and a lot less inhibited than their adult counterparts.